


The Skyhold Runner's Guide to Survival

by LadyNorbert



Series: Twice Upon an Age [3]
Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: Gen, POV Varric Tethras, Survival, Varric Tethras Writes, Varric Tethras is my editor, guidebook, supplemental material
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-20
Updated: 2017-07-29
Packaged: 2018-12-04 17:27:27
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 5,521
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11559942
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LadyNorbert/pseuds/LadyNorbert
Summary: At Josephine's request, Varric penned a guide for those poor brave souls who take on the most difficult job in the Inquisition - delivering messages all over the castle full of weirdos.





	1. So You've Decided to Be a Runner

**Author's Note:**

  * For [RoksanaLyasin](https://archiveofourown.org/users/RoksanaLyasin/gifts).



> This is technically supplemental material for my series Twice Upon an Age, which is why there are two Inquisitors present. However, you don't necessarily have to have read any of the rest of that in order to enjoy Varric's sense of humor.
> 
> Those who have read that series will know that while I am the author, Varric is my editor, and as the series has gone on he's exerted more and more control over the project. I feel relatively certain that I've completely lost any control I might have once had. (I love this dwarf, but man... I thought writing for Beetlejuice was bad!)
> 
> Anyway, if you enjoy my slow descent into madness. please to be leaving a contribution in the little box below.
> 
> Dedicated to RoksanaLyasin, who encouraged me to post it.

* * *

 

**The Skyhold Runner’s Guide to Survival**

by Varric Tethras

 

* * *

 

[ _Editor’s note: A while back, Ruffles approached me about putting together some basic useful information for the friendly little guys who ran around Skyhold all day long. She wanted them to have a basic understanding of who’s who and what’s where and that sort of thing, and she started to write one, but she already had enough to do without worrying about all that. So she asked me to take over after the first paragraph, I said I’d do it, and the result was this. Well, as we were going over the Chantry records to put together the main story that (I assume) you’ve been reading, Scholar found a copy that one of the runners must have left behind at some point. She thought it might make a helpful piece of supplemental information for the reader, to give an idea of the madness with which the Skyhold staff had to contend on a daily basis. I’m not sure I agree, but what do I know? Maybe you’ll enjoy this, maybe you won’t, but it’s here for you._ ]

 

* * *

 

**Part One: So You’ve Decided to Be a Runner**

 

* * *

 

Welcome to Skyhold! We are proud to have you serving as a member of the Inquisition. Our pages, or ‘runners’ as we call them, are responsible for accurately conveying information, items, and occasionally personal messages between different parts of the castle, most particularly the Inquisition members known as the inner circle. This guide will help you adjust to your new home and duties.

Upon receiving this guide, your first objective should be to study it carefully. The information in here is valuable and you'll need to know it. Don’t expect to wrap your mind around everything right away. You’ll need time to get used to a lot of things. Once you finish reading, if you don't decide to run screaming into the Frostbacks, report to Quartermaster Morris to receive your official uniform. He'll most likely arrange a tour for you at that point, and show you where you'll be sleeping.

If you're ever in doubt, look for someone who looks like they know what they're doing. Most of us don't, but we're good at pretending.

This guide will cover a lot of specific details about Skyhold, but there are some general pieces of wisdom worth remembering.

  * Stay hydrated. That’s very important. You’re going to be doing a lot of running, sometimes literally, and since you probably aren’t a mage you likely won’t have access to any sort of levitation spells to get you up and down the stairs. So every time you pass through an area where you can grab a drink, do it. You’ll thank me later.
  * Keep your shoes in good condition. There’s a cobbler in the barracks area if you need repairs, or speak with Morris the quartermaster if they’re beyond hope. They will be put through their paces.
  * Some of the scouts play Wicked Grace on the second floor of the tavern every Tuesday and they’re usually willing to let anyone join them. It’s a great way to let off steam.
  * The trebuchets are not toys. Except when the Iron Bull borrows one to launch stuffed nugs, they are not to be regarded as such.
  * Whenever you have recreational time, use it. Go to the bath house. Listen to the bard in the tavern. Play cards. Join the Sing-quisition. Read _Hard in Hightown_. The Inquisition asks a lot of all of us, and for a good reason, but you’ll want to relax during those few minutes that you have the option.



 

[ _Editor’s note: Ruffles never said I could plug my book in here. But she never said I couldn’t, either, and that’s kind of the same thing._ ]


	2. The Areas of Skyhold

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> An overview of different locations in Skyhold and what (and who) can be found in them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter contains arguably the single worst joke of my entire writing career. Or Varric's. One of them.

* * *

 

**Part Two: The Areas of Skyhold**

 

* * *

 

In this part of the guide, we’ll review some of the parts of the castle you may be visiting in the course of your duties.

This booklet includes a map, which you are advised to study thoroughly. While this castle isn’t of the ‘shifting floorplan and stairs that lead somewhere else on Friday’ sort, it is very large and sometimes confusing. The first thing you have to remember is that the place is basically imbued with magic. As long as you stay inside the castle walls, you don’t really have to worry about things like coats or snow, because it’s always nice in here. The official explanation – or at least, as close to an official explanation as we’re ever going to get – is that “Skyhold is pleased with its master and mistress,” so as long as the place keeps liking the Inquisitors, it’ll look after those of us who are staying here.

 

* * *

 

The Heralds’ Rest

Our illustrious tavern, while it can’t hold a candle to Kirkwall’s legendary Hanged Man, is pretty good for what it is. It’s easily identified by the sign hanging next to the door, depicting Andraste carrying somebody in a sheet.

The Iron Bull and his Chargers can usually be found on the first floor. So can Maryden, the bard. Don’t be too startled if she ends up writing a song about you. She seems to write them about a lot of us. Cabot runs the bar and usually has something pretty clever to say if he’s approached in the right way. The spirits are all either donated by allies or purchased with Inquisition coffers, so don’t worry about paying for your drinks. However, he will cut you off if you start swinging from the chandelier. I’ve seen it happen. It wasn’t pretty.

Most of the second floor is socializing space. Grab a chair.

There’s nothing much to find on the third floor. Cole is up there, but we’ll get to him later. There is, however, a useful door up there which leads onto the ramparts that can be followed to Commander Cullen’s office, which saves some backtracking if you’re heading that way.

 _Do not_ jump off of the railing as a shortcut back to the first floor. The Inquisitors can get away with that kind of nonsense without getting hurt, but I can’t guarantee anybody else would and I don’t want to be responsible for any broken necks.

 

* * *

 

The Stable

Horsemaster Dennet takes care of all the animals here. He knows what he’s doing and doesn’t like small talk. Keep your remarks pleasant and to the point; he respects that.      

You can pet the horses. You can pet the harts. I leave it to your discretion whether you want to pet the battle nugs or the dracolisks.

The main point of weirdness in the stable is Mythal’enaste. That’s the Lord Inquisitor’s... I want to say ‘horse’ but that’s not quite right. It was a horse when it was alive, probably, but it’s neither of those things now. You want to try petting something with a sword poking out from between its eyes, that’s on you. It’s docile, it won’t attack you, but it’s _weird_.

 

* * *

 

The Undercroft

I strongly recommend keeping out of the undercroft unless you are specifically sent there with a message. Harritt’s very polite and Dagna’s actually extremely sweet, but a lot of what goes on in there is honestly difficult to explain. Dagna is what you would get if you put a mage and a Tranquil in a bottle together and shook it really hard. She _knows_ things that other dwarves – other anybody – don’t know.

Brilliant, absolutely. Sane, questionably. Dangerous, probably.

 

* * *

 

The Prison

Can’t think of any reason why you’d need to go down here. We don’t really keep prisoners too often, so we barely have need of a jailer. Probably best avoided unless absolutely necessary, especially because if you open one particular door it’s really easy to take a stroll down the waterfall and I don’t think you want that.

 

* * *

 

The Courtyard

You’ll find Mother Giselle here, and the herbalist – I forgot her name. Elon Vi’musk, or something like that. There are herbs growing in pots; leave those alone. The Lady Inquisitor planted them and I don’t even know what they are or what they do. I think she changes them pretty regularly. Knowing her, they’re _probably_ things like elfroot and embrium, but let’s not take chances.

One of the wells is here; the other is out by the stable. Don’t sit on them. They’re covered for safety reasons but again, let’s not take chances.

You’ll also find the small chapel to Andraste behind one of the doors here. If you have a few minutes and you want to enjoy a bit of reflective thought, it’s an option. Also, somebody really ought to clean it up, that one chandelier has been lying on the floor since we moved in.

 

* * *

 

The Rotunda

The rotunda is that roundish bit of the castle just off the main hall, and it’s got three levels. On the first floor, you have Solas – more on him later. He’s been painting the walls with illustrations of the Inquisitors’ exploits. When entering from the main hall, you can take the left door to climb the stairs, or the right door to cross the battlements to the Commander’s office.

On the second floor is the library. Anyone in the Inquisition is welcome to use the library and read the books when they’re not working. It’s a nice place to go if you want some quiet. There’s an elven mage (he dresses like a mage anyway) who’s been hired to catalogue the collection, so if you’re looking for something particular, talk to him. You’ll also find the Grand Enchanter here more often than not, so if anyone gives you a message for her, try the library before you climb the mage tower; ditto the sparkly Tevinter mage (more on him later too). Helisima is also found here - she’s in charge of researching magical creatures and related stuff. You can expect to carry a lot of messages between her and Harritt, since he uses some of what the Inquisitors bring back to make new armor and whatnot. There are a couple doors leading outside from here, but unless you know where you’re going, I’d avoid those.

The third floor is the rookery. This is Sister Nightingale’s domain, so you’ll be sent here a lot. Expect to see scouts and birds coming and going all day long. Best not try to pet the birds. It’s probably not a good idea to pet the scouts either, come to think of it.

As with the tavern,  _do not jump_. It's an even worse idea here than in the tavern, if only because fewer witnesses means less chance of being found and healed.

 

* * *

 

The War Room

You’re not a war, so you probably won’t be in here. Almost nobody ever goes in there but the Inquisitors and the council. And I guess somebody goes in to dust now and then. If you _do_ go in, whatever you do, don’t touch the map. They’re very particular about where they put their little figurines.


	3. The Leaders of the Inquisition

* * *

 

**Part Three: The Leaders of the Inquisition**

 

* * *

 

Well, now that you have some idea of what’s found where, let’s start talking about the who’s who of Skyhold. In this section, we’ll be going over the finer points of dealing with the Inquisitors and their advisory council.

These are Important People so some of them have multiple forms of address. I’ll include a list for each. However, the last name on each list is just what I personally call them, and I don’t recommend that you use that particular name. I’m only including them for the sake of completeness. I’m a stickler for details, sometimes.

The biggest thing to remember when dealing with any of them is that they can arrange your demise in a variety of creative and unpleasant ways. I’m not saying that they _would_ do that, but it’s wise to remember that they _could_.

If you have any problem with elves or humans – any problem at all – let me warn you up front to keep that fact very carefully hidden. Or, better yet, leave. One of the Inquisitors is an elf and the other is a human, and either one will make your life a nightmare if they hear you disparaging the other. And they _will_ have help.

 

* * *

 

Lady Inquisitor Victoria Trevelyan

_Also known as:_ Lady Trevelyan; Her Worship; the Lady Herald; the Left Hand of Andraste; Eyebrows.

Lady Inquisitor is the youngest child of Bann Trevelyan of Ostwick. As such, she’s a noblewoman by blood and it shows in her bearing. If what you have to deliver to her is not of immediate concern – for example, you’re just dropping off her mail – you’ll do well to just give it to the guard standing outside the door to the Inquisitors’ tower. There’s always someone standing watch by that door. Face the throne and turn left.

The Lady Boss, as the Iron Bull calls her, is tough to pin down. If you’re sent to find her with a message, you can expect to spend at least half an hour tracking her through the fortress, and I should mention that she moves pretty quickly. Start with the courtyard; she might be either tending those herbs I mentioned in the last section or else at devotions in the chapel. Failing that, try the library, the training yard, or the Commander’s tower.

She’s a sweet kid, but she’s got the weight of the world on her shoulders, so she might be tired when you finally find her. Mind your manners and you’ll be fine. Don’t comment on her proximity to the Commander, whatever it happens to be, and be sure to learn from that one scout’s mistake – if they’re less than a foot away from each other, _do not engage_. Unless the building is on fire or being attacked, just back away slowly and wait. Preferably where they can’t see you.

The greatest danger with Victoria is the possibility of getting her upset, because there are a _lot_ of people in Skyhold who will not take that well. In many respects, she functions as the heart of the Inquisition, and if you make her cry it could possibly be the last thing you ever do. Fortunately, the odds of you actually accomplishing this are very slim.

 

* * *

 

Lord Inquisitor Mahanon Lavellan

_Also known as:_ Lord Lavellan; His Worship; the Lord Herald; the Right Hand of Andraste; Hunter.

Our noble Lord Inquisitor hails from the Free Marches, just like his distaff counterpart, where he’s a hunter for a Dalish clan. As with the Lady Inquisitor, non-urgent missives should be left at the bedroom door. Yes, they share a bedroom. No, they do not share a bed. Don’t make the mistake of thinking their relationship is something it isn’t. It will not end well for you.

You might hear Victoria address him as “Non” or “Nonny.” That’s her unique privilege. No one else is allowed to call him that. He’s not a formal kind of guy, he won’t insist on being addressed as “Your Worship” or whatever, but don’t shorten his name. Similarly, do not shorten hers to “Toria” unless she gives you explicit permission.

The Lord Herald is, as a general rule, found within ten feet of Lady Pentaghast. If searching for him, try the practice yards first, either with the rest of the soldiers or in the upper level of the outer bailey. He’s also frequently found in the tavern, as he’s close friends with both Bull and Sera, who live there.

He’s a very amiable sort, so if you have questions you’d like to ask him – about the tattoos on his face, for example – he’s probably going to be willing to answer them as long as you ask nicely. He’s also got a good sense of humor. He can’t talk about the weather without making at least two jokes.

Occasionally you might find him in a part of the castle where it seems like he wouldn’t normally be. If Sera is with him, _run_. Whatever they’re doing is bound to get someone at least a little irritated and plausible deniability is your best friend when it gets discovered.

 

* * *

 

Commander Cullen Rutherford

_Also known as:_ General Cullen; the Commander; Curly.

Everyone’s favorite ex-Templar spends most of his time in his tower, which is most easily accessed by going into the rotunda from the main hall and heading right, then following the battlement.

Cullen is the former Knight-Commander of Kirkwall. He does _not_ like to talk about it, so don’t bring it up. Always open the door to his office with caution, because he occasionally engages in some percussive therapy by throwing knives at a training dummy in there.

He’s 95% serious business and 5% deadpan snarker. That’s not to say he doesn’t laugh; I’ve heard him myself. Just don’t expect it. He also doesn’t sleep very much, so you can probably expect him to send you to the kitchens for coffee if you’re in the vicinity.

Cullen enjoys chess, so on the rare occasion you _don’t_ find him in the tower or its immediate vicinity, check the courtyard. He and Dorian meet every afternoon for a game in the gazebo. Allegedly, Dorian cheats; I don’t know enough about chess to confirm or deny the rumor.

Three of the four ladies helming the Inquisition seem to think he’s their mutual little brother. Don’t be surprised if one of them, especially Lady Pentaghast, requires you to check on him at some point. It’s a hobby of theirs, I think. Also, if you should happen to find out what exactly he uses to style his hair, I know people who would pay for that information.

 

* * *

 

Ambassador Josephine Montilyet

_Also known as_ : Lady Ambassador; Lady Montilyet; Ruffles.

Have you ever met someone who was so incredibly sweet, poised, confident, and cultured that you knew they were quite possibly the most dangerous person on the planet? Yeah, that’s Lady Ambassador. As the Nightingale says, she kills with kindness. This woman could poison your dinner and at the same time treat you with so much good humor and consideration that you’d probably thank her for it.

You’ll find her in her office, which is the room just before the war room. Enter the main hall and head toward the throne. The left-hand wall has three doors, and you’ll want the middle one. You’ll learn her location fast enough, because everybody in the entire building wants something from her. Expect to be taking her requests for better décor from Madam de Fer, requests for better booze from Dorian, requests for fewer requests from the Seeker... you get the idea. She’s like the entire Dwarven Merchants’ Guild in one much friendlier package.

There’s a rumor that she does, in fact, sleep. I’m not sure I believe it. Much like with the Commander, you’ll probably be called on to bring her something to help her stay awake – she prefers tea. More specifically, she likes sage tea with lemon and honey, and the stronger, the better.

If she ever invites you to play Wicked Grace, politely decline. I tell you this for your own good. I would tell you why, but I’m not sure even my friendship with the Lady Inquisitor would be enough to protect me from the wrath of certain parties. Just trust me.

 

* * *

 

Lady Leliana

_Also known as_ : Sister Leliana; Seneschal of the Inquisition; Left Hand of the Divine; veteran of the Fifth Blight; Nightingale.

Unlike most other people in the Inquisition, Leliana came pre-nicknamed. Saved me a little trouble there. I recommend sticking with the “Sister” prefix, however; Sister Leliana or Sister Nightingale will do. You’ll generally find her in the rookery, except when she’s in the war room. I have heard that she occasionally takes on the Commander in a chess game like Dorian does, although I’ve never personally witnessed it. Then again, she can most likely win the game in under five moves, so I’ve probably just never gotten there fast enough.

She was very close to Divine Justinia and reveres her memory. Try not to ask too many questions. She’s also close friends with the Queen of Ferelden; she’s a little more willing to answer questions about that. But in all honesty, I don’t recommend trying to get to know her too much. The woman is busy.

She’s fiercely protective of the Ambassador – they’re like sisters. She knows all the scouts by name (well, by code name) and takes it hard when anything happens to them. She’s also very attached to all those birds up there, and from what I’ve overheard from some of the scouts, she’s the only one they’ll really obey. This only adds to her terrifying reputation. The monster in the closet has nightmares about Leliana.

Her preference is lavender tea. This is not because of her wardrobe, although come to think about it that would be pretty funny. No, it’s because lavender helps with headaches, and you can’t be responsible for running an outfit like the Inquisition without developing a few of those.

As a former Chantry sister, she’s very devout. She has her own little altar up in the rookery. Don’t touch it, and don’t disturb her when she’s in it; if you’re Andrastian yourself, though, she has no objection to you making brief use of it yourself when passing through.

You may hear either the birds or the scouts coming and going at all hours of the day or night. It’s possible you’ll be scheduled for running duty at strange times, too. This is because Leliana does not sleep. She waits.


	4. The Fellowship of the Thing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nine companions.

* * *

 

**Part Four: The Fellowship of the Thing**

 

* * *

 

Close as the Lord and Lady Inquisitor are to each other, it would be very difficult for them to succeed in saving the world without the support of a network of nine dedicated companions with a wide variety of personality quirks who make life interesting on a daily basis. Of course, _interesting_ doesn’t really begin to cover it.

Nine companions. You know, that’s got a nice ring to it.

I guess I’ll tackle this in alphabetical order, because otherwise it might look like I’m playing favorites and I don’t want to insult the wrong person.

 

* * *

 

Warden-Constable Blackwall

_Also known as_ : Blackwall; Warden; Hero.

For some reason, Hero lives in the stable; he apparently sleeps in the hayloft over the horses’ stalls. Your guess is as good as mine as to why he’d want to smell that in his sleep, but I digress. In his leisure time, he’s making a rocking griffon, which he says is just something to keep the hands busy. I started to tease him until I found out it’s going to be for the refugee children to play with when he’s finished. I can respect that. Those kids have it hard enough; anything that can make them smile is good in my book.

Anyway, it’s pretty easy to get along with Blackwall, as long as you don’t mind being bored to death on the subjects of Wardening, griffons, archdemons, and darkspawn. I also don’t recommend standing downwind. Nothing personal, he just spends – as I stated – way too much time in the stable. That smell gets in your clothes.

Oh, and I’m pretty sure he has some courtly thing going on with Ruffles. There’s a strong chance you’ll be drafted to help.

 

* * *

 

Cole

_Also known as_ : “What does he look like again?”; Kid.

You might see Cole. If you do, though, you probably won’t remember it. Should you find yourself delivering messages to or from the third floor of the tavern, but you can’t remember why or who gave it to you, don’t worry too much – you’ve had an encounter with Cole.

Honestly, you’re better off not asking too many questions. The answers don’t usually make sense anyway.

 

* * *

 

Vivienne de Fer

_Also known as_ : Ma’am; First Enchanter; Iron Lady.

Like Leliana, the Iron Lady came pre-nicknamed. Madam de Fer is the First Enchanter of the Monstimmard Circle (insofar as that means anything anymore) and also the court enchanter to the Empress of Orlais. She’s powerful, she’s terrifying, and she’s _incredibly_ polite. Dangerously polite, even. 

She’s going to be the villain in my next book. Don’t worry, I got her permission. But if she asks you to steal my papers so she can get all the details ahead of time, tell her you don’t know where I keep them. I don’t give sneak peeks if I can help it.

Expect her to call you ‘dear’ and ‘darling’ a lot. She does it with everybody. It’s either an endearment or a condemnation, and trust me, you’ll be able to tell when it’s the latter.

Never appear before her wearing plaidweave. It could be the last fashion mistake you ever make.

 

* * *

 

The Iron Bull

_Also known as_ : Bull; Chief; Tiny.

Tiny’s probably the most easygoing member of the entire Inquisition, possibly even more than me. It’s no challenge to get along with him. He’s not very formal, and if he asks you to do anything besides taking a message to somebody, it’ll probably be to get him a fresh drink from the bar because he doesn’t want to get up. The serving girls in the tavern all sort of fawn over him, though, so he’s pretty well set. He and the Lord Inquisitor are great pals and hang out together a lot.

He’s always got his Chargers around him. They’re good kids. Krem’s his right hand, and he has a weird tendency to stand on his chair a lot, but otherwise he’s got his head on the straightest out of all of them. They’re devoted to Bull, and to each other in their own weird way.

Watch out for the Bull’s horns. Also, there’s an excellent chance that he’ll hit on you.

 

* * *

 

Dorian Pavus

_Also known as_ : Vint; Lord Dorian; Sparkler.

The peacock comes from Tevinter, but don’t let that put you off. He’s an okay guy. Lady Inquisitor is particularly fond of him. He’s in the library most of the time, reading anything he can find on history or magic. He also, as I mentioned in the last chapter, plays chess with the Commander and sometimes with the Lady Boss. They both need to relax a little more than they do so this is a good thing.

I really don’t know why his outfit seems like it’s made entirely out of belts. Probably best not to ask.

The odds are strong that he’ll be sending you to the wine cellar. Then you’ll report back to him about what’s down there. And then he’ll complain bitterly about the lack of decent spirits and send you to lodge a request with Josephine about getting some obscure vintage. And then she’ll send back a polite refusal and suffice to say you’ll be trapped in a loop for a couple of hours. There’s really nothing you can do, but at least you’re warned.

 

* * *

  

Cassandra Pentaghast

_Also known as_ : Lady Pentaghast; Hero of Orlais; Right Hand of the Divine; Seeker.

In the last section, I mentioned “three of the four ladies helming the Inquisition.” The Seeker falls into that group, technically speaking, although she herself demurs on the subject. She declared the Inquisition reborn, but then handed off the actual authority to the Inquisitors when they were appointed to the post.

She and the Lord Inquisitor are sweethearts. They’re a bit more in your face about it than Lady Inquisitor and the Commander. She’s got a mean right hook, so don’t give her an excuse to use it. Not everyone is an expert on ducking like I am.

If you see her with a dagger in her hands, hide your books. Trust me.

 

* * *

 

Sera

_Also known as_ : Red Jenny; Nutty elf with the arrows; Buttercup.

This one is dangerous, and not in the conventional sense. You’re not likely to be on the receiving end of her real wrath, because she’s all about protecting the normal everyday sorts of people. However, there’s a chance you might get a pie in the face, find your smalls hanging from a flagpole, or open a door and have a bucket of water fall on your head. (That last one happened to Josephine. I was there. Not pretty.) Like I said in the last chapter, if you stumble across her and the Lord Inquisitor someplace where it seems like he shouldn’t be, _run_.

All that aside, however, you can expect her to be generally nice to you. She recognizes that the Skyhold staff members work hard and deserve respect. This doesn’t stop her from stealing every last jar of jam from the castle kitchens, but nobody’s perfect.

 

* * *

 

Solas

_Also known as_ : Messere Solas; “The Fade is [insert adjective] here”; Chuckles.

This regular ray of sunshine occupies the first floor of the rotunda. Very soft-spoken, doesn’t laugh much (hence the nickname), and very polite. Almost disturbingly so.

Expect him to be either painting or with his nose stuck in a book almost any time you enter the rotunda. If you’re not actually there to speak with him directly, a polite nod is all you need to give on your way to wherever; he’s usually busy and he might not even notice you.

He hates tea. It keeps him awake and then he can’t go wandering around in the Fade. Don’t offer to bring him tea. Occasionally he asks for it, though, and I honestly have no idea why. It’s like he’s just determined to annoy himself.

Don’t ask him why he hates shoes. Don’t ask me, either, because I don’t know.

 

* * *

 

Varric Tethras

_Also known as_ : Just Varric will do.

I honestly didn’t put myself last for any kind of dramatic reason. Hell, I didn’t even put myself last because of the alphabet. I put myself last because I almost forgot to include myself at all.

You have any questions, come to me. I’m usually less busy than most of the others and I won’t laugh at you for asking. Not much, anyway. If I don’t know the answer, I’ll know where to find it or who you should – or shouldn’t – ask.

I send a lot of mail, especially to my editor. Josephine knows where to direct my manuscripts, so just give them to her.

I also receive a lot of mail. If it’s from the Merchants’ Guild, you’ll probably see me ripping it up; I’ve been doing a lot of art projects with those letters. (I’m starting to get really good at folding paper into little birds and things. Let me know if you want one.) If it’s from an actual person, on the other hand, I’ll probably read it. I get a letter from Starkhaven every two weeks like clockwork. That one’s important, as is anything from Kirkwall.


	5. So What Now?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Well, that about wraps it up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> See if you catch the reference to Varric's previous misadventures. Thanks for reading and reviewing!

* * *

 

**Part Five: So What Now?**

 

* * *

  

Well, if you’ve read this far, then you for some reason have not decided that this is not the job for you. Welcome to the Inquisition, then! This place is not for the faint of heart, but you know, it’s really not a bad place to be at all.

It is, however, a dangerous one, what with demons and Venatori and shit running rampant through the countryside. Now, we’ve never yet been attacked at Skyhold. I’m not entirely sure the castle would even _let_ us be attacked, all things considered, so it could be that we’ll always be safe here. But I’ve learned the hard way to never assume that. So let’s go over some basic stuff you should know.

  * Keep your wits about you and keep your head low. I mean, that's always good advice, but especially in a place like this.
  * In the event of an invasion or other calamity, get out of the castle buildings. Staying inside is a great way to become trapped. Instead, head for the lower bailey (the part where the stable and gatehouse are found). Someone will almost certainly be out there directing traffic. If you’re in the tavern, though, follow Cabot. I’m almost positive he’s got an escape tunnel under the bar.
  * Make friends with other people working here. Escaping is always easier when you have a buddy. You can look out for each other.
  * If anyone ever asks you to help them gather ingredients for a spell and you don’t know what those ingredients are, say no. Then come find me and let me know who made the request. This is important.
  * Above all, if you ever see the Inquisitors’ hands start to glow, get clear. Something is about to happen and you don’t want to get in the way.



 

* * *

 

Well, I think that about wraps up this guidebook. I hope it’s been helpful. I’m sure you’re going to be a valuable member of the staff and you’ll have adventures of your own that you can share with your grandchildren someday when the world is back to normal.

And remember, if you enjoyed this handy manual, be sure to pick up a copy of _Hard in Hightown_. I’ll even sign it for you.

 

[ _Editor’s note: I think I only ever signed maybe five copies of my novel for the runners. But I’m pretty sure I signed damn near every copy of this thing._ ]


End file.
